


Late-Night Phone Calls

by afewreelthoughts



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-21 16:34:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18706138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afewreelthoughts/pseuds/afewreelthoughts
Summary: Robb was lonely, and using this as an excuse. If he really wanted help with the slugs, he could call his family, but they had been through enough lately, and he was an adult… an adult booty calling his exes to ask for help with a slug infestation.





	Late-Night Phone Calls

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing and make no money from this. Everything belongs to George R.R. Martin.

Robb owed his sister an apology.

The month before, at Arya’s birthday party, when he’d brought Jeyne, she told him, “You’re really slutting it up this year, huh?”

“Arya Stark! That is not something you say to your brother!”

She had only grinned in response. 

But just now, scrolling through his phone, he could see that she was right. If the numbers he’d collected were any indication, he had indeed been an enormous slut recently.

Dacey

Dany

Jaime

Jeyne

Margaery

Renly

Rhaenys

Talisa - who even  _was_ that???

Theon

Tormund… 

He hadn’t slept with all of them, he reminded himself, but that didn’t make him feel much better.

He texted Dacey first. That had been a casual fling, which was what they both wanted, and while Robb had worried that things between them would be awkward later, they hadn’t been at all. 

_**Hey! Not sure what you’re doing tonight but I need help with a small problem at the house.** _

_**What’s the problem?**_  she texted back.

Robb hesitated before replying.

_**Bugs** _

_**What kinda bugs?** _

_**Slugs** _

_**Pour salt water on them, it’ll kill the bastards.** _

_**Thanks,**_  Robb replied, but he didn’t want to kill them. He just wanted to go up the stairs to his room in peace… and for them to be somewhere else.

Robb had spent the night drinking in front of the tv, and when he’d turned the lights off to go upstairs and his foot had brushed over the slimiest thing he had touched in his life, his soul had briefly left his body.

Robb was strong: he had stood by his family through his father’s sickness, then through his mother’s, he gave his younger siblings advice every single day, when his girlfriend had broken up with him the year before he had the good sense to agree with her that they shouldn’t just get married because their families wanted them to, and he split logs on camping trips, but  _three slugs_ was an _infestation_.

He supposed he could sleep on the couch that night - it wouldn’t be the first time - but he wanted help. Someone here with him…

He texted Renly next. Things had ended pretty amiably between them, but there was definitely room for them to slide back into old habits for a night or two.

When a full twenty minutes passed, and he was sure that he wasn’t getting an answer, he began to scroll through his contacts again. Theon? Robb was still mad at him, but at least Theon owed him a favor?

His phone began to ring.

“Renly? Hi!” Robb said, sinking back onto the couch in relief. “Thanks for the call.”

“Hey Robb, how are you?” The sounds of music and conversation filtered in behind Renly’s voice. 

“I’m okay.”

“What’s going on?” 

“Nothing much, I just need a hand with something.”

“It is serious?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Well… your family… you’ve had some serious stuff lately.”

“No, no it’s nothing like that.”

“Then could I come later? I’m…” Renly cleared his throat. “I’m actually out tonight.”

“Out?”

“On a date.”

“Then why the hell are you calling me?!”

“I was worried when I got your text. I wanted to know if you were okay.”

“We can come by later,” a voice in the distance said.

“Who’s that?”

“That’s Loras,” Renly said. “Can he come help, too?” 

Loras, where did Robb know that name from? Oh shit, Margaery’s brother! Robb trusted Renly to be nice about this, Loras on the other hand…

“You guys have fun! I’ve taken up too much of your time already.”

“It’s okay, Loras is working on the jealousy thing.”

“I let you call your ex in front of me, you don’t get to fucking call me jealous, Renly!”

“It’s not a big deal,” Robb said. 

“Okay, have a good night, Robb! We’re here if it gets worse.”

“Yeah, you too,” Robb said.

Renly didn’t hang up immediately, so Robb had the privilege of hearing Loras say, "So he dumped you and now he’s calling you up to fuck?”

“He is not!”

“You cannot tell me he doesn’t want your dick.”

“No, that would be you, Loras.”

Robb resisted the temptation to yell “Nobody dumped anybody, it was a mutual agreement!!!” and instead just hung up.

Loras was right, though. Robb was lonely, and using this as an excuse. If he really wanted help with the slugs, he could call his family, but they had been through enough lately, and he was an adult… an adult booty calling his exes to ask for help with a slug infestation and his lonely dick.

He sighed and pulled the blanket over him. As a last-ditch effort, he texted Jeyne.

_**Hey! Hope you’re doing well. Not sure what you’re doing tonight but I need help with a small problem at the house.** _

He rested his head on one of the pillows and closed his eyes.

He opened them almost immediately when he heard a ping! from his phone.

_**I can be there in 20 minutes?** _

_**Yeah, thanks, that would be great!** _

When the doorbell rang twenty minutes later, Robb ran to answer it. Jeyne’s curls framed her face like a halo. He had forgotten how pretty her brown eyes were. 

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey.”

“You look surprised.”

“I didn’t think you would come.”

“You’re my friend, Robb, why wouldn’t I help you when you need it.”

As soon as she stepped inside, she saw the stairs and wrinkled her nose. “Eeeewww! What’s going on?“

“I need to move them,” Robb said.

“You can’t call an exterminator?”

“Not at 10:00 at night on a Friday.”

“This is what you need help with?”

“Uh, yeah?”

Jeyne rolled her eyes. “Okay, so I’m thinking we find a big, flat piece of cardboard, and wait for them to crawl onto it?”

“Sounds good.”

“I might need a drink first, though,” she said, flashing him a smile.

He felt himself blush. “Sure. What would you like?” 

Maybe tonight wouldn’t be so bad, after all.

 


End file.
